I am now officially in the ranks of the mentally troubled. I had my first psychologist appointment on Monday. I spent much of the hour analysing how the book shelf filled with children's book and toys was unsymmetrical.

It was irritating me.

So apparently I am suffering from separation anxiety disorder. It would explain why I find it distressing to be by myself for any extended period of time. Why as a young child I could never fall asleep unless my parents were there as I drifted off. Why I found it so difficult to end a relationship that had expired years before. And why I am craving settling somewhere after university is finished. I want and need routine. My life as is feels like organised chaos. I write lists to try and order it, but it's like putting a band aid over a bullet wound. Makes it look pretty from the outside but if you look any further it's just a big fat old mess in there.