Friday, May 18, 2007

First post.

When I was a child I had to be trained to learn to sleep with the light off. I believed that not only was there someone waiting under my bed or in my cupboard, but that they would attack the minute blackness filled the bedroom. I still check under my bed from time to time, but mostly I have learnt to sleep with the light off.

Starting this blog is much the same. Let me explain how.

I am terrified of everything.
E_V_E_R_Y_T_H_I_N_G

My mind is an endless cinema reel of imminent disasters. Disasters and mistakes. Fear of making the wrong choice has sent me into a mental paralysis. Decisions send me into a frenzy of jaw clenching and fear of failure has my heart racing at a dizzying speed. Writing is mostly too difficult to attempt because for everything I want to say and every word I want to use, I can always think of a dozen different (maybe better) options, and in the end I am confused and terrified by choice.

I think often that I am going crazy. Maybe I am. But I need to do this because I can't keep sleeping with the light on just because I'm scared of what might creep out of the dark.

Welcome to my blog.

48 comments:

miles away said...

welcome to your new blog!

i hope you spend many a long hour reading and writing and posting, and in some way, it's able to help, or document, or advise, or...

good luck, and keep writing!

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